Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Marriage Poems

I can't exactly say why I'm publishing these poems now. They have nothing to do with the tarot or things metaphysic. Perhaps I was 'pushed' by a friend and colleague who shared her poems with me today and I caught the 'bear your soul clean' bug. Could be. Not sure. In any event, I'm coming out of the 'closet', so to speak, and here they are.

Number 1

The fights always happened in the kitchen
Why was that?
How do you explain that?
You, sipping your scotch, undoing your tie
Me, tired and worn out, not combing my hair
Anxious and unnerved concealing my pain

But I never fooled you
You had x-ray eyes
And a hunter's heart
Making me an easy prey
And what a meager prize I made!
Cracked and crazy
Tilted to one side
At night, you would prop me up against the bedroom wall
Do you remember?
Oh, those were the terrible days
And terrible nights
So bereft of love intent on hurting each other
Our words crashing and rickoshaying off our apartment walls
Exhausting each other
And finally collapsing in two great heaps upon the linolium floor

We'd wake up in the morning
Not knowing where we were
Disoriented and dazed
Clinging to one another
Frightened out of our wits
Thankful to be lying in each other's arms
The nightmare having ended

Darling, were we insane?

Number 2

Whenever I think of my wasted youth
Whenever I think of my wasted beauty
Whenever I think of those wasted years
I think of you.

And, yet, despite the rancor and the bile
We remain bound together in deep Time
Forever forged by interlocking memories
Like conjoined twins, impossible to imagine without the other.

Number 3

You say I am a happy girl
No, love, I am the sad girl
The one with the slitted wrists

There is so much blood
It's a wonder you still don't see me.

Number 4

When I was miserable and sad
And we were living in London
I would sometimes leave  my body
And talk to you from overhead to escape your terrible tongue
But sometimes you were too strong for me
And I would be frozen
 Nailed to the kitchen floor
With my skull waiting to explode
Terrified that my mind would snap
And fly out in all directions
Making it impossible for me to find all its missing pieces.

Those were the dreaded days
Pretending to be sane
Faking it
Anxious that I might give myself away
For you were a pitless foe

Those were the dark days
And you knew I was no match for you
You with the easy smile
And assassin's heart

Tell me, Darling, what satisfaction did you get from trying to destroy me?

I hope these were not too much of a 'downer'! The marriage (I won't say which one) was long ago and yet it's failure continues to haunt me. I'd love to hear from any of you about your marriage or realtionships. Have you experienced the same kind of love/hate ambivilance that I did?

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